“We’re Number #1!”

America has the biggest and best propaganda machinery ever built on the face of the planet; we have constructed such an elaborate web of lies that Dr. Paul Joseph Goebbels (Reich Minister of Propaganda in Nazi Germany from 1933 to 1945) would drool with unconcealed envy if he had lived long enough to see it personally.

In pursuit of its ends, America (and particularly the politicians who are supposedly the “voice of the nation”) will tell any lie… including the one I posted at the beginning of this piece.  We are NOT number #1… not by any standard that counts.  We are not the free-est, the best educated, the best equipped, the best prepared to function in the world, we don’t even have the best healthcare (even Cuba beats us there) or the best record on human rights (China and Iran and Iraq have us beat there, among others) nor are we even among the top five for “Top standard of living”.  I can understand why the shouts of “Number One!” continue… who wants to walk into a room on a multi-national stage and muster suitable conviction to announce “We’re number 17!” as if it has any meaning?

Now… why am I talking about American propaganda suddenly?  A recent nationwide poll discovered that a slightly higher percentage of people strongly support gay marriage than those who strongly oppose it— and surprise, surprise… a president running for re-election has suddenly publicly endorsed the idea.  That, my fellow chimpanzees, is a brilliant demonstration of propaganda in action.  We all KNOW intrinsically that the President cannot make gay marriage illegal, or abortion illegal or anything else— if so, the status of those issues would have changed several times by now— but somehow the people on the pro-gay marriage side of the issue feel ineffably better because Barak Obama has publicly endorsed it.

That is propaganda.  It is textbook.  It’s a statement which may or may not actually represent Obama’s true beliefs (but his beliefs were irrelevant in drafting the position, as always) designed to elicit an emotional response not based on fact.  If you are utterly pro gay marriage, voting for Obama will have zero effect on the issue— just so you know.  Same as always, the president cannot wave his hand and do a thing about such situations.

Gay marriage is a “red herring”.  It is one of those “splitting issues” American politicos use to stay in power.  From the right, they use fear on middle America that soon it will be legal to marry goats and sheep if they allow the dilution of “the blessed state of matrimony” and from the left it is used to bash people as racists and homophobes.   Racists and homophobes are America’s new “niggers” so it is okay to bash them for thinking or believing differently.  We are all encouraged to point at them in mockery and feast on their dismay because “they are wrong!”  It’s been decided.

Of course… Americans have also decided over the years that women were too stupid to drive or vote, that children should be seen and not heard, and that a black person equals 1/10th of a human being.  So perhaps the “decision-making process” has some bugs to shake out still.

There are four major “split issues” in this country at the moment; to come out in favour or against any one of these loses you about 40% of the national vote.  These issues are gun control, abortion, the death penalty, and gay marriage.  These items are trotted out by both sides in an attempt to garner fear and votes and stir up hostility.  The government HAS to split people off into small warring groups because they cannot control us en masse.  But the party machinery does these things for their people; the truly good politicians won’t seem to come down clearly on ANY side of these issues unless polling data suggests they should… because as long as the voting public doesn’t really know what the candidate thinks on these four issues, they won’t be alienated.  Millions of people were lined up to vote for General Colin Powell for president years ago (if he would have agreed to run) because he had taken no position on any of those issues and thus had not split the nation’s voting population in any conceivable way.

Well, you know what? I don’t give a damn what my politicians PRETEND to like publicly in order to win votes; and I may be gay but I am not a one-issue voter… what they claim while the cameras are on does not sway me even a little bit.  I am in favour of gun ownership, but very able to vote for a president who wants total gun control— because it’s a simple fact he can’t do a thing about it anyway, so his opinion or what he says to the media simply does not matter.  It’s just propaganda and programming.

In government what you say and what actually happens are vastly different things; it is axiomatic that you get rid of the “tricky bits” in the title no matter what the bill proposes.  If your objective is to murder puppies and pave over all the public parks to make parking lots for bureaucrats to leave their cars, then you call it “The wildlife protection and park reclamation” act.  Because if anyone tries to vote against it they seem anti-American.  Like if the government was going to undo most of the constitutional protections afforded to Americans they would probably call it “The Patriot Act” to make sure it got passed— not that anything that silly would ever happen, certainly.

Modifiers make all the difference.  Deal with the awkward sections of the initiative by cancelling them out in the title of the proposal.  Simple and effective.  Our current president is a true politician and knows this very well and uses these tools to his best advantage— don’t think for a moment he doesn’t.

In recent speeches, Barak Obama has inserted the word “Long-suffering” before he talks about gays and gay issues.  This is a standard technique developed to control and influence minds and inspire pity and empathy.  Use of such meaningless language makes the speaker appear informed and caring and involved.  But really, you could say “long-suffering” about any human or animal on the planet and not be far wrong.  The “long-suffering” people starving in Bosnia.  The “long-suffering” Rwandans being ethnically cleansed in the millions.  Life contains suffering; if you live any length of time it contains lengthy suffering.  So the modifiers are devoid of actual meaning, if not pre-planned intent to sway opinion.

It works like this… to program people properly you have to speak their language.  (America is seen to have a large central population of folksy and rustic “heartland” balanced by the nearly overwhelming populations of New York and California who are seen as “the liberal elite”.  Actually… people are people no matter where you are.  This is just another splitting technique… smaller groups are easier to manage than large ones so keep them thinking they are different from each other and get them to resent each other.  Get the rich to hate the poor, the liberals to hate the conservatives, the immoral to resent the moral and so on.  More splitting behaviours.) Most of this is done with descriptive language and modifiers which seem to slip by nearly unnoticed.  “The long-suffering gays”.  “Our brave fighting troops”.  “The sanctity of marriage”.

The language of the central population of this country geographically is encouraged to include many of these pointless modifiers such as “ink pen” and “writing paper” and so forth.  It makes them sound ignorant to those living on the coasts, and helps divide the nation into separate camps.  Now, in order to speak to these people in the largest geographic area, it is important to do so in their own native style.  It is like how fast-food restaurants say “crispy golden” fries to make them sound better.  Well, “crispy golden” is something you can say about maggots and weevils and anything that ever fell into a deep-fat fryer; it doesn’t mean those things are good for you.

It’s the same way movie theaters sell products: “Thick Frosty Shakes”.  Mmmm.  Sounds nummy.  Until you get one and you recall that “thick” means you suck and suck on the straw until your face feels like it is going to collapse and you get nothing.  And “frosty” means that when you do get a mouthful of it you also get a massive headache right afterwards from the ice cream; and just holding the thing in your hand or lap is enough to make body parts go painfully numb!  But add those two pointless (and actually detrimental) modifiers and you double how many milkshakes you sell.  Isn’t that odd?

To get back to the spark that prompted this polemic: a presidential candidate has reviewed polling data and decided to say he doesn’t oppose gay marriages.  I suggest some of you try and remember that Barak Obama is a politician… and anyone corrupt enough to rise to the “cream” of that polluted field is not to be trusted regardless of how much conviction they convey with their eyes. A rottweiler can convey the same expression when it sees a milk-bone in your hand.

He wants your vote.  The rest is a shell game and propaganda.  The gays now have a lot of money and considerable influence and Barak Obama wants that on his side.  That’s all it is.

And just for the record I am not a republican or a democrat.  But I am frequently told that because I am gay I HAVE to join and endorse the democratic party— even if I think they are largely a bunch of moronic fuck-ups with liberal arts degrees.  People saying, “If you are gay you HAVE TO BE A DEMOCRAT…” are just buying into more propaganda and ostracising others for perceived differences.

In summation, do try and recall that the ONLY thing America leads the world in is bullshit.  We do fiction better than anyone else— it is why our movies, staged reality shows and sit-coms sell so well abroad, and also why our politics is so closely followed in other nations.  We deal in illusions; in propaganda; in bullshit.  It’s the currency of the realm.  We have established bullshit as a national agenda and a standard response to any situation to such an extent that even Adolph Hitler would have to salute our efforts.

So, to quote the late Chuck D (or Noam Chomsky, if you prefer) “Don’t believe the hype…”

P.s. NO ONE should be paying 30% or more of their income to the government. Not individuals, not the industries which employ them, not the small businesses which already suffer enough financial obligations. Nobody. Taxation isn’t supposed to be aimed at penalising anyone… even people you hate.  That idea is more propaganda from the left and another splitting behaviour intended to breed “Class Warfare” more than any unity of purpose.

P.p.s. Anyone who has ever been married does NOT need me to explain the unnecessary modifiers “Blessed state” of matrimony.  I’m certain they are already aware someone was getting rid of the icky bits in the title of the thing.

“Phoenix Gay Pride— 2012”

I haven’t been to one of these “celebrations” in a long time so I thought I would peek in for a bit and get a look at the progress that’s been made in the last ten years.  I am sad to report that what I saw did not so much represent improvement but devolution.  My overall review is, unfortunately, “Drab, and alternately vile.”

The festivities started off with an 8 hour pool party featuring 400 precisely tweezed and shaved men with the same exact body.  I am not kidding.  All of them about five-foot-eight to about six foot with the same exact sculpted body ranging from 155-180 pounds.  Nearly everyone had at least 2 tattoos that I could see— most of these were tribal marks the wearers did not understand the meaning of, and other pretentious things in Japanese pictograms they also probably didn’t understand.  I saw someone with a Maori tribal-elder mark to which he clearly was not entitled; he probably just thought it looked “hot”.

The pool party was tragick.  There is no other way to put it.  I spent much of the time with my iPod headphones on trying to drown out the exact same conversation arriving from hundreds of different cliques.  I saw very little mingling of any kind or support or “pride” in anything but ab muscles.  Most of the people arrived with someone (a girl, a friend, a lover) and stayed next to that person the entire time and didn’t talk with anyone else there.

I began to feel disturbed oddly by the feeling of permeating lost identity.  It didn’t affect me personally, but I could sense it all around me.  No one wanted to be who they are— they all wanted to be someone else nearby that they were staring at.  All I could wonder is why hundreds of people had decided to have the same body, the same tattoos, the same 1-2 inch haircut, the same outfits, a total lack of distinction or jewelry.  It reminded me of studies done on prisons— how the inmates go insane if there is no variation, no colour, and everyone looks and behaves the same.  Such an atmosphere is stultifying.

After the pool party ended, another took place on the roof.  For $20.00 you could go in and be sexually assaulted by a complete stranger who had drunk more than is wise for any chimpanzee.  A roof-pool seemed very scenic and intriguing until it slowly filled up with strangers licking intimate places on other strangers on rafts floating by for this service, and a variety of unpleasant bodily fluids.  I lasted 15 minutes in the water and then I had to get out before I became either a target or a surface upon which others could ply their hobbies.  I need a REASON to have sex, a context— apparently most people who attend such events simply need a small area to work in and have no need of things like attraction, personal connection or even privacy.

The next day the official “Pride Celebration” kicked off.  There was a lovely parade.  It contained 6 floats.  Just the six.  It still took an hour because each float stopped and people on it had to give out leis (for no readily apparent reason, since we are not in Hawaii) to people lining the streets.

The float for Thailand with all the straight women dancing scantily-clad had irony… they didn’t dare display the 12 year old Thai boys they know gay businessmen are flying to their nation to encounter.  But they still want gays to know their money and tourism is welcome… hence their entry in the miniscule parade.

The float for New Town Saloon also makes me smile.  It’s a snow-scene (in Phoenix, where it hasn’t snowed in over a decade) with a perfect bare silver tree and it’s almost Narnian.  Of course the actual bar itself is a complete pisshole, with a minimum attendee age of 55 and sawdust on the floor and it smells of urine.  So the contrast of imagery sometimes makes me laugh an acerbic chuckle at the expense of anyone who doesn’t actually know the place or takes the parade float as representative of their good taste.

The float of whores and escorts was, I thought, a touch misplaced— given that it was surrounded by two floats for people with AIDS.  One AIDS float contained happy people waving who had just found out they are now HIV+.  The other AIDS float contained people who had survived having HIV for more than 10 years— their waving seemed a bit more frantic, as one might expect.

I saw a lot of old faces in the crowd.  I finally got to update my mental image of some people who have been online for 20 years with the same unchanging picture.  I saw someone I used to talk to— until he started a porn company so he could write off his prostitutes as a business expense.  I saw some people I hadn’t seen in a decade… and quickly recalled just why I decided to stop talking to them.

The parade ended in Steele Park, with a two-day all day series of events and booths handing out paper no one reads which advertise things no one needs.  The entry for this spectacle was $20.00.  It costs twenty bucks to be proud of Phoenix gay people.  At first I found it very insulting.  Why should it cost anyone a dime to express any emotion appropriately?

On reflection I believe it is a bargain.  After being at “Pride” for two hours I could no longer think of anything which made me feel proud of gay people in this state.  So I am glad that all I had to do was hand over a twenty-dollar bill and pretend I was proud— like the rest of them pretended.  Because if I had to come up with some REAL manifestation of the pride I felt inside I would have failed miserably.

I, unfortunately, still recall when gays took the risk of being different, of standing out, of wearing colours and jewelry and watches and throat pins and scarves and necklaces and had long pretty hair and other distinctive touches which set them apart.  Alas, this took place before they all became terrified of the judgements of their fellow gays— who will beat them down for being even slightly different, while all the while preaching tolerance for all… except for everything they don’t like.  That is how you end up with people on gay sites who say “Must have a face pic to chat with me” and they have no pic; people who say “I never hook up” and add “unlock your nudes before you message me” and a majority of profiles which contain words like “no one over 24” and “no fems” and “no beans, rice or black people”.  It’s an interesting dichotomy, the loud way in which they demand tolerance and then circle up for a firing-squad the moment anyone is even slightly different from their ideal.

For the most part, gay pride is now a series of souvenir stands; disposable plastic objects of many colours and racks of beads and silver jewelry and mood rings like you would see in any tourist trap.  There were also about forty different types of carnival-type foods and more than a few hastily erected alcohol bars— gays do like their liquor.

I had to leave after just a few hours.  I couldn’t tell anyone apart, and the lack of colour and visual stimulation made me want to go watch a documentary on the Coral Reef.  A few older people dared wear red or green.  But for the rest… one colour exists: blue.  People had on values of white and black of course, but the only actual colour was blue.  Gay people have decided it is non-threatening and helps them fit in (why they would WANT to fit in, is a complete mystery to me) so that is about all they dare wear.  If they stood out as different, their fellow gay chimpanzees would heap feces at them until they retreated.  That’s how it works now.  Only the drag queens dared wear any other colour— and all the rainbow flags and mugs and other banners around simply made it more glaring that the gays themselves wouldn’t dare stray from their blue.

Frankly, I am sure most of them thought themselves the hottest most sculpted and fashionable men on the planet.  It rang in their every word and exaggerated claim.  But largely, they looked a pack of redneck assholes lined up outside public bathrooms in their underwear… collecting phone numbers of guys who look exactly like them— the words “Narcissism” and “Mordant Revulsion” popped into my head more times in 2 hours than they have in my entire previous life.  I had to leave before I stopped being “proud” of gays in general.

One final note… at both Splash Bash, and the Parade/park about 50 very fat, hairy female impersonators (or actual women in bizarre wigs) provided the so-called entertainment.  These people seem to have no actual talent— including lip-synching (if you believe that is a talent somehow) because they didn’t know the words to their own chosen material— and while they beg for applause and tips and support, they largely seem to have no actual point.

If I live to be 100 I will never understand the fascination many gay men have for really horrifying hairy men wearing dresses way too small for them.  It’s… disturbing.

“Lovely… but does it come in nigger brown?”

I am sorry to derail all the current outrage over Abercrombie & Fitch’s advertised pants which come in “nigger-brown” as a colour choice, but before the rest of America tries to impose ITS meaning on those words and begins hysterical ranting and protesting there is something that should probably be made clear.  “Nigger Brown” is just a colour choice overseas in many countries.  A bit like cerulean blue, and with little other connotation.  Most of the countries who use that term have a much better record on how they have treated blacks than America does, and thus no real guilt in using it.

You can purchase expensive furniture sets from fine manufacturers, paint for your home, and clothing of many types in “nigger-brown”.  Or eggshell white, if you like.  Sorry, Americans, but most of the rest of the world doesn’t have your collective culpability on the treatment of blacks, or share in your questionable ethics or definitions of words… thank the heavens.  Now… get over it please.  Calling A&F racist over this is quite insane and shows an insular desire to force the American meaning of a word onto entire cultures and races who do not share that view, and then persecute them for it or boycott and pressure them to adopt the American view as the only possible meaning.

I know a lot of black folks in America and they regularly use the word nigger but find the word “Oreo” VERY objectionable; to them an “Oreo” is someone who has black outsides but is “white” inside somehow (whatever that might mean; it sounds terribly racist to me to say all whites are the same on the inside) and implies they are somehow a traitor to their own people.  If we are really trying to be sensitive to a race who suffered historically perhaps we should boycott Oreo cookies and their ice cream— that makes as much sense as boycotting Pergament Paints for selling “nigger brown” interior latex semi-gloss.

I know the standard American reaction is to decide that their way is the best and only workable way (even though America itself does not actually work and is near the middle or end of the list on every way of rating a country/government performance that counts) and to bomb or bring financial mayhem on anyone who disagrees but there needs to be a limit to such insular thinking.  Trying to mandate the thoughts and acceptable speech of entire races of people you never met is OPPRESSION and INTOLERANCE.  I don’t care what you do it “in the name of”, it’s still more bullshit.

True tolerance means the Nazis and the KKK and the racists have as much right to express and work for their views and to secure their rights as any other group.  Pointing at them and saying, “But I don’t have to tolerate them, because they are WRONG…” is the same thing the Christians did to keep the gays in the closet, it is how the Egyptians enslaved the Hebrews, it is how the Anglos oppressed the Saxons, it is how the Nazis exterminated the jews, gypsies, mental defectives, Roman Catholics… it goes on and on like that.  At one time, every race was “Somebody’s nigger”.  In the United States that term was even extended to include the Chinese “coolie” workers and the Irish. 

Do I think A&F is racist?  Not even a bit.  Nor would I care if they were.  But in this modern climate if they were truly racist the last thing they would do is call attention to it or advertise the fact.  America uses its clout to make sure people who have different views never get to express them without severe consequences and possible destruction.  Although A&F used to be basically old man’s catalog clothing (like Land’s End or similar) and somehow got rebranded to have more youthful appeal, this does not imply they are immune to the social climate of change and tolerance and still thinking with a pre-world-war mentality; they would not deliberately try and sell something by using racism… they aren’t THAT old school.

Americans need to understand that in Great Brittain there are a different set of slang racist terms… wog, taffy, kraut, frog and so on.  And other words (like cunt, twat, fuck) are not banned as they are in the United States, but freely broadcast on public television channels.  It’s a different damned country; please stop trying to force it or anyone to be AMERICA and practise the damnable tolerance you are hypocritically preaching so loudly.

I understand most Americans are so insular they have JUST discovered the colour “nigger brown” has been available all over the world for over 150 years.  Now begins the chest-thumping and threats and pulling out of hair in frustration and horror… and boycotts and economic pressure and… it is all so stupid and pointless.  Trying to force the American meaning of a word onto several other races of fellow chimps, and then persecuting them for that meaning is VERY silly.  It’s just new oppression, this time done in the name of fighting oppression.

For the record: using the word nigger does not make one a racist.  And stopping an actual person who IS a racist from using any word does not lessen his racism one iota— it actually makes it worse because it confirms their worst fear… the very minority they hate has just taken over and forced them to stop speaking freely as they choose.

So don’t validate hate by attaching too much importance to words.  It’s creeping “Lord Voldemortism”.  Forcing people to be terrified to use ordinary words is not what I expect from the world-wide advocates of “FREEDOM OF SPEECH” who go about dropping bombs on other countries for tyrannical oppression and suppressing the truth.  If you stand up and say you champion FREE SPEECH then get the fuck on with championing it and stop interfering with other people and their right to think and speak as they choose.

No words are off limits.  None.  I’ll stop saying nigger when the niggers stop saying it, okay?  I’ll stop saying faggot when the faggots stop saying it.  I don’t believe in “one-race” words that only certain people can use.  And I don’t believe using or hiding away a word proves ANYTHING about racism at all.  Period.

P.s. I said earlier in this piece I wouldn’t care if A&F are racists.  That is a simple fact.  Everyone dislikes someone— if you reject all products on that basis you are doomed.  If I am a diabetic, I do not stop to think if the people who made my insulin or syringes are racists… all I care about is that the product works as it is supposed to work.  If the owner of the company happens to dislike straight people, or Mexicans it is NONE OF MY BUSINESS.

“Where’s Obama?”

I hear this a lot these days, “Where is the president on…” and then someone lists a topic dear to their heart and insists that leadership should be provided by Barak Obama somehow.  “Where is Obama on homelessness?  Where is Obama on illiteracy??  Where is Obama on the small portions of fries on the value menu???”

Oh dear… it seems to me that some of my fellow chimpanzees have missed something significant again.  It’s time to explain the Dangerous Truth about the presidency— it isn’t what you think it is.  My dear ones… it’s very quaint you believe it actually matters which person or which party is in titular charge of the White House.  But in plain terms it is utterly irrelevant I assure you.

Think of the two major parties as opposite wings on the same predatory bird.  They just want to roll America over on its back like turtles so they can get to the tender tasty bits with their rending beaks.  Industry and large corporations learned this long ago and in the last few election cycles most of the Fortune 500 companies gave over $100,000 to both the Republican and Democratic candidates for president; they don’t care who wins, so long as the winners understand he OWES them.

This is not a new concept.  Americans are taught that “the buck stops here”… which is commonly taken to mean that the location where ruling authority exists in this nation lies within the Oval Office; this is completely untrue.  No one man actually runs this country in any way, shape, or form; the president no longer even slates the agenda because that is largely determined by responding to ongoing events in the world.  There is simply too much going on in this country to even monitor it all, much less affect it in any meaningful way.

As an illustration this is hardly a recent thing, there is a lovely “iconic” moment in American history about President Richard Nixon.  Under great strain, and seeking guidance, Nixon is supposed to have snuck away from his security teams (in the wake of the Kent State Massacre, and at the height of the protests against the Vietnam war) and sought out the Lincoln Memorial in the middle of the night.  When confronted by 30 people conducting a vigil he tried to explain his policies about ending the war in increasingly frustrated tones until one of the assembled is rumoured to have remarked in an epiphany, “My God, you can’t stop it, can you?  It’s bigger than you…”

That apocryphal moment may or may not have taken place at the beginning of the 1970’s.  But if you consider the way entropy tends to increase within closed systems you will realise that the scale of events has magnified by near-Gaussian proportions.  It’s too huge; that tipping-point passed long ago.

I have been known to point out that currently the President of the United States of America is much like the actor paid to portray Ronald McDonald more than anyone else.  He stands out front in make-up and waves to the camera but he does not fry the burgers, purchase the ingredients or even set the menu.  That has never been true more than today.  Am I saying the president is largely a figurehead?  Yes.  That is what I am saying.  If he’s not a complete figurehead, the very kindest thing one can say about the job (if honesty intrudes) is that it has become a BROBDINGNAGIAN TEAM EFFORT.

You can tell how big “The Presidency” is by how many people must be taken abroad when the president travels.  Omit the press, crew, and security— the remainder are the advisers and assignees and staffers who comprise “The Presidency” these days.

In Richard Nixon’s time, that number came to barely 100 people.  By Ronald Reagan it had swelled to over 350.  Under Bill Clinton it jumped to nearly 800… as the 24-hour news cycle began to turn non-issues into stories— which some new appointee would monitor for the Commander-In-Chief so that worthy could appear informed on current issues in the public mind.  Under Barak Obama the team is over 1100 souls.  Count on more bodies seconded each time some new crisis appears or is manufactured by one of our news services— always out to lend a hand and stir up more apathy, that lot.

To give each of his 1100 advisers even 5 minutes weekly would add up to over 90 hours a week just in briefings for Barak Obama.  Events which transpired during those briefings would have to wait for later briefings.  I promise you there is no place the president can exist but BEHIND the 24-hour news cycle.  He cannot stay current and it’s a good thing he doesn’t really count… you don’t honestly believe that Hughes Aviation and Bechtel leave the running of the country to any one man do you?  Don’t be ridiculous.  It is all well in hand; the White House functions as projected and desired regardless of what candidate sweeps into office.

The best politicians are like epaulet sharks— they can’t live in the shallow waters at the top, but they need to feed.  So they turn off parts of their brains and reroute most of their energy and blood-flow… to other parts.  I leave it to you (in light of all the sex and email and prostitution scandals) to decide where that location is; they do this so they may continue to prey on their chosen fodder.  Business and industry have learned to count on this (and clever men make sure to manufacture constant diversions in the public mind) so the top 2% of the nation can keep sucking 95% of the wealth into its own coffers.

Now all these things may bother some of my fellow chimpanzees but I promise it is no reason to start running about making “ook ook” sounds.  Remember, the only thing politicians really control is the laws of the land.  But we are AMERICANS; we don’t obey those anyway.

I know; I know; we’re law-abiding; we’re a great Judeo-Christian moral nation.  Yah… sure we are.  I’ve got news for you: there isn’t a single crack dealer who wakes up, sees the penalties for dealing drugs have gone up and announces, “I’m selling the BMW and the gold chains and throwing the cocaine down the toilet right now.  I’m going to go get a job flipping burgers at Wendy’s”.  It’s never happened.  It never will happen, no matter how high any politico sets any penalty— up to, and including, DEATH.  If outlawing things stopped them, then the Ten Commandments would have sorted out murder a long time ago.

So never ever forget we are Americans!  Let the corrupt political cream rise up and set any standards and make any laws they like… we will promptly ignore, forget, and lie about those things later if caught.  Elect anyone you want to any office; write in Stephen Colbert for president should you so choose… he could hardly do a worse job than anyone else and Bechtel isn’t likely to let him do too much harm anyway.

“Legalising Gay Marriage… worst idea EVER!”

Okay before you start bashing me for this one, keep in mind I am openly gay and have been in three long-term relationships and never really “hooked-up” with anyone else.  To be completely honest about the durations: one lover lasted nearly 4 years, one about 2 years, and the most recent lasted nearly 7 years.  Now that isn’t TRULY long-term… but in gay years it is eternity.  And in my third “union” we both worked from home so we spent every second of those 7 years together.  We actually shared all our time together, and were not stuck in traffick or picking up kids from play-dates or attending Real Estate courses… or whatever it is which distracts most modern marriages and leaves heterosexuals with a divorce rate of about 50% for the last few decades (it only drops a little when people are too broke to afford them) and disgraces the nation.

If Gay Marriage was a normal accepted part of my society, I suppose I would have gotten married to each of my “exes” in turn— and made the worst mistakes of my life by wedding people who are profoundly unsound, unsuitable, unwise, unstable and dangerous.  (Sorry to any alliteration fans, but all the synonyms for “dangerous” which commenced with a “u” didn’t seem strong enough and I was striving for truth in any case.)  This last word choice is not “conjecture” on my part, nor opinion; I don’t post opinion.  I post DANGEROUS TRUTH and that’s why you are here.  I leave guesswork to others and try to stick to known fact and what actually works.  So… as proof I know what I am talking about when I select that word with such care you can find the antics (and fatality list) of my first ex here (http://www.myfoxphoenix.com/dpp/news/crime/repeat-dui-offender-arrested-in-deadly-crash-08082011) and the unbalanced harlequin-esque buffoonery of my most recent ex here (http://www.anxus.com/man-shoots-himself-in-the-ass/) when he attempted to shoot the first.  Based on these events I have what may be called a “unique” and very personal experience on the subject of gay marriage you might find informative.

Now, my precious chimpanzees, I am going to impart to you some VERY Dangerous Truth indeed… so pay attention, and be terribly careful about even letting on to another soul that you understand these things; by no means broadcast them— certainly do NOT share them with gay people you know.  Here is the Dangerous Truth about same-sex marriages: It is an idea so dumb only Homer Simpson could endorse it… after having first re-inserted the crayon into his brain to stop his ability to critically think.  And that characterisation is unusually kind.

Last week I tore every major religion, and the clergy, a new asshole (for which I am certain they will find “some” use or other, if left to their own devices) so I suppose I should now explain what you are really doing when you attempt to mainstream what is, and should be by definition “deviant behaviour” (such as same-sex marriage) and make it the norm… you are tempering with SPECIES SURVIVAL INSTINCTS.

My fellow gays are known for screaming that they are “Born Gay” and it is “In the DNA” and how correct they are, if they but knew it.  Homosexual behaviour is largely an attempt by nature to dead-end certain unwanted strains and traits in mammalian species.  Just as “tuna protection” has resulted in a magnitude of dolphins suddenly living to a ripe old age, so their homosexuality rate has recently risen from a detected 4% exclusive to nearly 10% to curb their growing overpopulation.  You may check that for yourself easily enough; the number of dolphins which are identified as engaging in exclusively homosexual behaviour has more than doubled in the last few decades.  That rate of growth nearly mirrors our own species.  Nature cannot change our entire gender in a few weeks as it does with certain species of tree-frogs to limit their spread (nor do we share their short generational cycle) so it takes other measures— such as finding ways to limit our ability or desire to breed.  This is a proper and absolutely essential function of the planet and one we do not completely understand, and thus should not tamper with recklessly.

In order to help foster our survival a bit longer, before I am done here I will do my best to annihilate any and all reasons ever proposed for same-sex marriages performed by any state, government, church, authority or guru.  So let’s get started.

Now we all know why gay marriage is illegal in our hearts but modern pretenses about embracing other cultures and “Political Correctness” keep us from saying it aloud.  Allow me to voice it for you now; same-sex marriage is not legal because it is a truly stupid idea and we can’t afford all the overly dramatic lawsuits playing out when these married gays get a divorce in 2 weeks… something that is happening in states where they DO allow gay marriage. Even straight people can’t make the process work, as I pointed out above, and they have an average relationship span of two years.  Statistically, gay relationships last on average 48 hours to 14 days; the figures are exactly the same at both ends of that range and precious little deviation from that spectrum.

Now to discuss SPECIES SURVIVAL IMPERATIVES we must look at the dichotomy between “wants” and “needs”.  This is volatile terra incognita but I will attempt to render it simply.  Marriage is a want; ignore all wants.  I have said this repeatedly, and told people to focus instead upon people’s needs instead, but apparently I lost some of our chimpanzee flange with my last post on the subject so I will attempt to clarify further.

As a species we require:

1. Food/water
2. Love
3. Shelter from the elements
4. A warm safe place to use the bathroom and to procreate
5. Beauty/imagination

Those are the 5 needs we all share as a primate species.  You may believe you require more; you are in error because you do not.  You may believe you require less, you are in error because you will quickly become insane or dead (or both) if you don’t receive those 5 needs at least minimally. The above enumeration comprises what you actually need, no matter who you are.  Everything else is you may believe you need is optional.  I understand the wants will arrive, but they will mainly be ephemeral… they will shift from day to day or hour to hour.  Ever listen to anyone progress over a week like this, “I want an ipod. No I want an iPAD.  No I want a 3g Sprint phone.  No I want a 4g iPhone no…”?  Some people go on and on like that, from one “want” to the next.  But the 5 needs never ever shift and never ever will.

So ignore people’s wants and focus on their needs.  Keep them loved and happy and safe and well-nourished and make sure they have space to dream and the freedom to think as they choose.  Because let me explain what happens if you do otherwise and try and focus on ephemera like what people desire.

When a society legitimises what should be fringe-behaviours they undermine the very things that keep our species on this planet; that is a truly ridiculous thing to do and VERY dangerous.  Gay Marriage does (as supporters claim) increase opportunities… but those are mostly for ambitious divorce lawyers and people who enjoy playing out their petty personal dirty laundry in public.  Heterosexual divorces are messy enough— and participants there aren’t as dramatic, and insistent they are right and everyone else is wrong.  Imagine the courtroom dramas on Gay Divorce Court!  If you doubt my premise, note this: the first lesbian couple to get married in Canada (together 10 years) were divorced in 5 days (http://www.cbc.ca/news/background/samesexrights/samesexdivorce.html) if you are curious how it worked out for our neighbour to the north when they legalised gay marriages.

Now one MIGHT stop and wonder why in the name of sanity does anyone require the approval of any nebulous corrupt government, entity, organisation or “man in clouds” to validate their connection to someone else??? That core question is the actual problem.  Marriage is essentially useless for fringe-groups like gays. For the mainstream it provides the illusion of a family structure and a way to chart the passage of wealth.  It is axiomatic that having wealth insures a warm, safe place to go to the bathroom and to procreate, and insures you will be able to have a wider choice of mates in this society we chimps have designed. And since gay couples aren’t likely to breed there isn’t much of a “descendants fighting over propery” issue really.

Now the above paragraphs are mainly about procreation (or lack of same) because it is one of the key SPECIES SURVIVAL IMPERATIVES (which means: Things we CANNOT live without) but let’s look at it from a different angle.  Another one of those 5 crucial items is “beauty”.  Beauty is historically produced by rebelling and by discord and fringe behaviours. It is the “irritation” in an oyster that creates pearls— you can look that up too; no opinion here, just the facts.

But how will anyone KNOW you are a non-conformist if you aren’t able to wear the proper UNIFORM???  That may sound like an oxymoron (and it is one) but “rebelling” is an important societal safety-valve, and such people need to first stand out from the crowd in order to gain notice.  If the outfits and habits of the most disparate subsets of humanity become the acceptable mean, we will lose all difference between the two conditions (joining provincial middle-America or embodying non-conformity) and something precious will thereby vanish from our species.  Try and remember that rebels are the artists, the entertainers, the free-thinkers, the ones who improve the overall species.  The rest of our fellow chimpanzees live (as the insane philosopher Nietzsche suggested… accurately, for once) “lives of quiet desperation.”

If we mainstream gays we do them a disservice and they know it not.  And perhaps we do a damage to history. Georges Seurat died unappreciated in his time, broke, and DESPISED— but history makes other judgments. {Respected artists pulled their work out of shows in which he was allowed entry. His work was routinely hung over public lavatories at events. Now… his Sunday Afternoon On The Island of La Grande Jatte is considered one of the Chicago Museum Of Art’s most prized possessions. And his “pointillism” is nearly universally accepted as undisputed genius.}  There is beauty in acts of defiance, and growth in the turmoil of their wake.  I think my fellow gay chimpanzees are doing precisely as they should; they should keep striving towards their goals.  And society should let them “keep as they are” as Hamlet put it— for those who haven’t read Hamlet, that means NO MARRIAGES.

If you are reading this and gay, don’t hate on the heterosexuals for a lack of gay marriage— if you have any wisdom… thank them for it!  And despising the Catholic Church for the current state of affairs (when they only “follow the law of the land”) makes as much sense as throwing rocks at the pope for refusing to hand out condoms… it’s not his job.  Also, you are denying yourself a valuable opportunity to learn through the overcoming obstacles; remove all those challenges and you soon become indolent and apathetic.  Here is a truth EVERY plant and vegetable growing on the planet shares daily in silence: “It’s only when you get shit thrown all over you that you really start to grow”.

We also need to confront the easily verifiable fact that when a state permits gay marriage… within the first 17 days (on average, in the United States) the first gay divorce is filed.  And that action is bitterly contested on both sides.  If you are one of those lovely caring chimpanzees who isn’t gay but says gays should be permitted to marry because it’s the “right” thing to do… you need to accept that this view is a steaming pile of complete and utter shit; it shows a lack of critical thinking of any sort. I am not really interested in what is right or wrong but focus instead on what actually works in the world— don’t buy into the facade because I can assure you that what truly occurs when a rock is tossed into the water is of far more import than how pretty the ripples appear at first.

Without omniscience I can’t tell you the ultimate result of all this ridiculous hedonistic and selfish indulgence but there is still something I can say equivocally: letting people do as they please is a TERRIBLE idea! I am not clever enough to know what does harm long-term and what does not; I doubt anyone on this benighted ball who claims they do know for sure.

I will also point out that when you legitimise fringe behaviour, it becomes mainstream. Take the new Dubstep album being recorded by Justin Bieber; it will ruin the point of Dubstep entirely and make former advocates FLEE the movement. If you legitimise “rebellion” and mainstream it you get what happened on Southpark when all the lame parents joined in on the Chin-pokomon craze… all the real devotees leave.

We REQUIRE the fringe behaviours (and the irritations they provide others) for the species to make BEAUTY; both sides of the equation must be in play or the difference between polar opposites is soon lost.  Beauty is one of the 5 needs. Without beauty, or the possibility of something “better” to be imagined, we curl up into a little ball and die.  Without love, just putting us in isolation for extended periods, we go irretrievably insane.  Do a little checking for yourself and draw your own conclusions.

When it comes to same-sex marriages, I will wait until the straight folks manage to work out the bugs in the system before I try and force any group to accept and marry gays. In fact I don’t think I would EVER force anyone to tolerate gays… it’s a stupid hypocrisy. TOLERANCE means tolerance for NAZIS too and homophobes; they have JUST as much legitimacy in working for their ends as any other movement.  And having met so many gay people, I cannot honestly say I care to tolerate most of their thoughtless excess personally.

I cannot stress this fact enough: if you attempt to contravene primate survival imperatives you are courting disaster!!!  I accept that certainly we are all going to die as individuals… but do you truly desire that the SPECIES itself dies?  I’m not protesting; it will result in more tigers and I like tigers very much.  I’m just curious if this is a conscious choice to end the species or just another form of passive suicide to replace a fading activity such as smoking cigarettes.

Anyway, don’t look too closely at this because it doesn’t require much thought.  Just remember that it is never a good idea to tamper with mechanisms which are not properly understood. You often learn more by watching a wristwatch than you do by taking it apart into small pieces… and chances are you no longer have a wristwatch any more when you are done.  Gay marriage violently interrupts two vital survival mechanisms for the human race and is an ephemeral “want” you may safely ignore.

If you still do not understand the issue read the piece called “Isn’t AIDS awful” on this site for an example of what the mindless hedonism of my fellow gay chimpanzee results in if left unchecked by societal opprobrium; it demonstrates factually how a one-in-a-billion malady got turned into a world-wide contaminant with nearly precision deliberateness.  Also read the piece entitled “GRINDR” if you would like a more modern example of the same activity— and are tired of hearing about people with AIDS, and don’t care where came from in reality.  By that time you will have enough evidence to remove any lingering doubts this piece leaves in your mind. 

So if you are part of a fringe-movement, and for some reason require documents to prove it (which defeats the whole point of being in a fringe movement) then write yourself one, or just announce it to the wind— Mickey & Mallory Knox did it in Natural Born Killers, and they are no more psychotic than the average chimpanzee I encounter at a Walmart.

P.s. Never forget that gay marriage is a terribly unwise, expensive and ridiculous idea. Heterosexuals have had mega-annums of history and the average marriage fails within 5 years.

P.p.s. If same-sex marriage ever does pass nation-wide, never fear that my fellow gay chimps will lack proper venues for such debatable events— there are many Gay churches willing to do the damage.  The one near me is terribly funny, called “Casa de Cristo”, and mainly about what clothing people are wearing more than “God”… so it’s just like heterosexual churches pretty much :)